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addictive
I throw all of your stuff away. I’m gonna clear you out of my head. I tear you out of my heart.
And ignore all your messages. I tell everyone we are through. 'Cause I'm so much better without you.
But it’s just another pretty lie. 'Cause I break down.
Every time you come around. So how did you get here under my skin? I swore that I'd never let you back in.
Should have known better in trying to let you go. 'Cause here we go go go again.
Hard as I try I know I can't quit. Something about you is so addictive.
We're falling together. you'd think that by now I'd know. cause here we go go go again.


Saturday, September 6, 2008, 10:10 PM

I don't know or think I show it, but at times, or perhaps most of the times,
I feel terribly inferior.
I know almost everyone experiences this but I really can't help it.
I really dislike this feeling but still, I'm responsible for it.
Well, maybe I am really lousy, be it academically or otherwise,
but really, I guess I should stop living this dream of achieving whichever I yearn for.

When I really want to get picked / selected for something I really strive for, I don't think I have the qualifications to even participate in it, let alone be selected.
I want something so bad, but the only thing I can do is pray, 'cos firstly, I don't think I'm up to that standard.
Even in academics, I should seriously stop backsliding and slacking.
I'm deteriorating in my studies and yet I know it, and I'm not doing anything about it.
Gosh, I hate myself wth.
I wish, I really wish, that for once, I'll be picked to represent the school in some prestigious event.
Just being purely selected for something where I needn't volunteer for.

I mean, yeah, I'd been selected for u14s team,
but that was barely a step,
and I know I'm not as good as I seem, or rather, I'm not improving at all.
Baseline : I suck.

Be it debate, studies or aesthetics, I've either been average or below average.
You may think I'm being ungrateful for what I have currently,
perhaps I am, but I guess I want to soar.
Who doesn't, honestly?

Seeing my friends getting chosen for several occasions,
I never want to show it but yes I feel so damn inferior,
and thinking 'why can't I be like them, too?'
Yes, I'm probably being a selfish brat now thinking so lowly of myself
and perhaps, deliberately looking down on myself you may think.

Well, if you want to think that, then go ahead.
But seriously, now thinking about it,
I wish I were better in every aspect :/

I really want something so bad >:(
but I know, I might not to be able to make it.

ihatemyself:/

I'msorryforthisstupidpost,

I need to stop this.